Nice For My Damn Self

There's a young lady who works at the local Burger King. She's attractive & friendly & all, but A: she's got a few kids B: she & the father of said kids seem to be doing well together & C: she's not JAG. So I find her attractive but I have no intentions with her.

She's very nice to me though. Most of the time she'll not charge me for my fries. Not a huge deal but a nice enough gesture that I notice it. She also is friendly. Not in the "hope you come back to see us" kinda way, but she acts like we are friends to some degree. she's not always smiling & she'll tell me breifly what's going on in her world but she tries to smile for me even when she's feeling like hell.

Tonight I went through there like I usually do & she wasn't feeling good; sore throat, stuffed up sinuses, etc... So we chatted for a few about home cures & I got my food & split. A few hours later I pull back up there & hand her a bag containing some Theraflu tablets, Halls throat lozenges & a pint of Orange Juice. She's all touche dby it & I told her something that I don't think she believes but it was the truth. She told me I was "soooo sweet" & I told her I wasn't; I was very selfish.

I am. I didn't do that for her. While I like to think that her being nice to me for so long contributed to it I probably would have done it if she hadn't been generous witht he fires & ketchup packets.

I need someone to be nice to. With KS that need was fufilled. With JAG to a limited extent it was filled. When I had neither KS or JAG I had a girl at work (typically I'd get her coca-cola icees which she dug) to be nice to. Now I have no one to show my kinder sweeter minor-caliber side to, & I miss that.

So while she views it as a nice altruistic gesture I didn't get the meds for the nice lady who works at my local Burger King. I did it because I need to be nice or generous or outwardly show signs of caring about someone & she just happened to be a convenient object for that.

Well, & I was a musician so long that giving pretty women drugs is kind of habitual, but that's beside the point. :)

Truthfully if I didn't have this need I probably would have grabbed her the meds anyway because she has been kind to me & I generally try to return such gestures in kind, but my motivation was my own. Whether it produced an altruistic result or not doesn't matter so much to me. What matters is I know why I did it & it was more for my sake than hers. Though I do hope she benefits from it.

I did try to tell her but she mistook my honesty (albeit from an admittedly warped perspective) for humility. Which goes to show you can give a guy free fries for months & not really know him. :)

Funny though; she is part of my world. A big part actually. Not because we spend so much time together or that we have such meaningful exchanges, but because she's one of the few people I accept as being in my world. Most of the others are intruders in some way. so perhaps there was a bit of the "protect my own" mentality mixed in. After all one of the things I do that makes life trickier for myself than it should be is I try to take responsibility for everyone I consider to be in my world. Not that I nanny folks or anythng, just that I act for them if I'm able & think it's appropriate.

As I said though, on the outside it might appear to be just being nice, but my motivations, while benevolent, are selfish. the bright side is I've never thrown in anyone's face anything I've done for them (because I realized I was doing it as much for myself as them). The downside is this makes my world a little less magical I think.

Whatever the case I went an hour & $10 out of my way tonight for a lady I have no romantic interest in & whom I see for less than 30 minutes total each month. & I felt cool doing it. Maybe that just makes me a sucker? :)