Almost a 2 Day Drive

I just got out of an eye exam where the doc told me I was fucking rain-man like when I got the call. Lisa left a message but I didn't check it; I saw her number on the phone & just called her. She told me Johnny was in the hospital. they took him in that afternoon because he was hurting in his lungs. Not chest pain but his lungs hurt. Plus his back hurt & he had a high fever. He wa sin about 5 days & they found bronchitis, asthma & emphysema. He played it off to Lisa as "light emphysema" but a medical professional she spoke with told her there was no such thing & Johnny was eat up with it.

So he's broken his promises to take it easy since he's been out. When you're self employed like he has been for the last 30 some odd years it's hard to chill out. I think he has stopped smoking but I'm not positive. I do know he only filled his prescription for his inhaler & didn't fuck with the ones for steroids & other meds on the advice of some good old boy doc he's been seeing about his blood pressure.

Truthfully I was relieved. When he was in the hospital with his symptoms I was thinking it was cancer. But it's not as far as anyone can tell. Course he wouldn't say a damn thing if it was. Can't blame him; neither would I.

I bought him some model ships. The USS Kitty Hawk, a Captain Kidd pirate ship & a p-51 Mustang that's supposed to really fly. He used to like doing stuff like that when I was a kid & he was in the Navy. In fact he was 2nd generation Navy. I doubt he'll like them too much but it might give him something to do around the house instead of busting his ass up & down the highway. course building models doesn't help with the mortgage so I know what his priority will be if he has to make a choice.

He gave up the Navy for me. He was coming on the end of his second hitch & more or less he had to decide between having a family with Frankie or being a sailor. He never told me that but I know him & Frankie well enough to read between the lines. He has told me he always kicked himself in the ass for not putting in his 20 years & retiring. Honestly in his place I'd have done the same thing; opted to try to keep my family together.

That's part of Johnny though that got passed on. He's done some fucked up things but at the same time he's also done some pretty noble self sacrificing type stuff. I always respected him for the latter & in a sense tried to emulate him. & he's a bit of a softy. I internalize it (except when I'm whining on here) but I am too. He still loves his first wife & I think as fucked up as their relationship was he still loved Frankie to some degree, just as I know he still loves his current wife despite things not being quite as cool as he wished.

He's okay for the moment but I'm worried about him. It hasn't been a year since I lost Frankie so maybe I'm just a little paranoid. But he's getting old. & he's always worked himself too hard (another semi-shared trait). But I can't do too much - just bug him with daily phone calls & have the car ready if I need to make a new land speed record.