Better With You

I joined a dating service a few weeks back. It's been mainly rejection as most dating services are but I had some success. In fact I slept with a very interesting lady the other night. She was the first person I slept with since JAG came back around. That marks 7 months that I hadn't slept with anyone but her. I hadn't had sex at all since October 20th. For me going 4 months without sex when I'm single is not common. I've never gone this long intentionally that I can recall.

But it was hollow. The lady was nice & everything & I didn't let on but I wasn't into it at all aside from the primal urge. She just wasn't JAG & I couldn't get that out of my head enough to really enjoy things. I kept dwelling on JAG & how much I preferred her in different ways. As I said the lady never caught on & she had a lot of fun. I was a musician after all & performing despite my emotional state is second nature to me. The show must go on & all that shit. So I think the "wow's" were genuine & she didn't realize I wasn't really into things.

Today marks exactly 2 years since I met JAG in the flesh. A little bar I used to frequent was the scene. There was bad karaoke (that was redundant wasn't it?) & I probably only heard 80% of what she said because the music (I'm being generous) was loud & she spoke softly, but I was intrigued by her. Not just her looks but her person. We met again a week later & that began us seeing each other.

But I haven't seen the girl in over 4 months. We haven't spoken in about 4 months. There's no real cause to celebrate. But I still care for her. It's to the point where I'm not really into anyone else. Oh I'll go through the motions & try to get past this, but she's not really replacable in my life. It'd make more sense to me if we were ever anything more than friends & lovers, but caring is not subject to being category appropriate.

2 years ago. Not a long time but it seems ages.

Better With You is by Abigail Zsiga. Here's her MySpace page with the tune on the player on the right side of the page. Not a bad tune in its own right, but it kinda sums things up, especially the lines:

"There's a voice in my head, & it comes when I'm sleeping
'Something this good cannot possibly be'
And the problem with trust is the problem with love
And the problem is probably me"

I'm good on my own & I'm good all alone
I've got all that I need and it's nothing that I own
I know what is right and I know what is true
I'm good that way but I'm better with you"